Who's In Charge Here?

This is my first substantive post for the teenagers and college students out there.  How appropriate, because it all begins with you.

When you are bullied, you start believing things that aren't true.  You're not cool enough, not man enough, not good enough to respect.  But the biggest lie of all that they feed you is that you have no power or control over anything.

They want you to think you don't have the power to say no.  They want you to think that your decisions don't mean anything.  And they definitely want you to believe that they can make you do anything they want you to do, whether you agree or not.

I'll tell you a secret that you already know:  You have a lot more power than they want you to think you have.  The fact that they open their mouth does not mean you have to listen to them.  The fact that they may be stronger than you physically does not mean that they will permanently disable you.  And the fact that they're disrupting you, harrassing you, and trying to intimidate you now does not mean that they have carte blanche to continuing doing it anytime.

If you are under the age of 18, you answer to adult authority figures.  That means parents or guardians, teachers, coaches, advisors, and clergy.  That does NOT include anyone your age, or anyone who is also a student at your school.  No power, no authority, no juice.  And if they act like they do, they're lying.

You don't disobey, talk back to, argue with, or disrespect adult authority figures.  But if anyone in your age group begins addressing you as if they are an adult authority figure, you have a duty to yourself to demonstrate to them that unlike adult authority figures, they have no right whatsoever to act bigger than you.

No lecturing.  No talking down.  No violence whatsoever.  They have no power to do any of these things to you.

You do not have power over adult authority figures.  But you do have authority over yourself.  Over what you think, over how you act, and over whom you spend your time with.  You also have the power to set boundaries that anyone your age impersonating an adult authority figure cannot cross.

The very first step in this process is the knowledge that you are somebody.  You are here for a reason, you are valuable, you are important, you have something to say, and you are worthy of respect.  If you don't already believe this, allow these posts to provide you with a constant reminder to start believing it!  And that means a little bit of self-respect and healthy autonomy.

So let's get things started.  Repeat these words every morning when you wake up, and before you go to sleep at night.  Write them as notes in your phone and hang them as a poster on your wall.

I EXIST.  I MATTER.  I BELONG.  I DESERVE.

Make it a part of what you see and hear every day.  After you get used to it, you'll be more than halfway there!

A New Start For The Next Generation.

Hello and Welcome.

I've been there and I know what you're going through.  If you're anywhere between the ages of 12 and 21, and bullying has wreaked havoc on your world, you came to the right place.

I should mention that I am not a school psychologist, or even a non-school psychologist.  Not a social worker, not a law guardian, and it's for sure I'm no teacher either.  Instead, I'm a guy who used to be exactly where you are right now, and I can empathize.

In this post, and the ones following it, I will provide you with a program that will help you grow and improve your self-esteem.  I will provide you with the tools needed to build yourself a brand new you.  I will make you strong enough to say to what hurts you.  And most importantly, I'll show you to have fun with it!

Hopefully we can make a fresh start.  Actually, not we.  You.  You're here because someone is making you feel terrible about yourself.  Someone told you that you're lesser-than, not-good-enough, not-worth-it, or some other equivalent.  Someone thinks you deserve to be ridiculed and taken advantage of just because they feel like doing it.  Well guess what?  Someone obviously lied.  And you're going to prove them wrong.

In the coming weeks, I will discuss the Four Pillars:  I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve.  When you begin living by those simple concepts, your life will change for the better.

Watch this blog.  Bookmark it if you choose.  Or simply Google the title of my name.  I'll be here.