Hey All! Loving this warm weather or what?
One reason why bullying occurs is because bullies like the reaction. If they get under someone's skin, offend someone, make someone angry, make someone sad, or just plain make someone uncomfortable, they chalk it up as a win. They enjoy that. That's a high-five, you-da-man, you-go-girl, scooooore kind of moment for them.
Is it wrong? Yeah, it's deplorable! Are they horrible for people for doing it? Yes. But is that the end of the story? I think not!
Our first line of defense against bullying is to deprive them of this moment. They are expecting an easy victory. They expect to scare you, manipulate you, and ultimately rule you through your reactions. Don't.
I'm not saying "just ignore them," as generations of mothers who had no clue about bullying have advised. We all know that doesn't work. We're not blind or deaf, as they might be tempted to insinuate. We know they're there and we know we're there. The idea is that their presence is not the source of fear and trembling that they think it is, and we're here to show them that.
Imagine their voice to be like a fly buzzing nearby. It's not going to land on you, and it's not going to sting you. Its presence is not worth your concern.
This may goad them to pushing harder, because they want that win. They want their buds to think they're tough and cool, and they're not going to stop until they show them. It's just talking, and it's not going to get in your way.
You have just demonstrated the first two lines of defense: Refusal to Engage and Refusal to Communicate. Most of the time, these will be the only defenses you will need. However, after an exchange like this, depending on what they said, you have the option of referral to an adult authority figure.
Yes, I am going on record stating that reporting bullying to adult authority figures is the right thing to do. We do not live in the post-apocalyptic world of the Mad Max movies. We do not live in Old West, the jungle, or Lord Of The Flies. We are also not in prison, although that may change for them one day. They are not in charge of anything, and there is no rule saying you can't do this.
It is not a sign of weakness, helplessness, or being "gay," either. If you were doing something like this, you actually would be disciplined because you were raised to behave. They obviously weren't. Accordingly, the authorities need to be made aware of it, and their behavior needs to be documented. What the authorities choose to do with it may or may not influence your next few choices.
The point is, we don't show them. We don't cringe, we don't crack, we don't flinch, and we don't mutter anything under our breath. Instead, we keep it together. When we're home, we can openly talk with those who care about us and address what's happening, but never expose yourself in the enemy's presence!
Need practice? Start respecting yourself. Recite the Four Pillars. Tell yourself that you're somebody, and not a victim. When that happens, you won't act like a victim.
That's all -- enjoy Sunday night!
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
