Hey All! It's about that time again.
Chances are, this weekend you heard about Bruce Jenner's interview in which he explained that he is undergoing the transformation of becoming a woman. He explained how it was something he had always felt, and how it was one of several reasons why he ended all of his multiple marriages. Since I'm writing this blog for all youth that feels bullied, I think I need to weigh in on this issue as well.
If you're reading this blog, chances are more than likely that you're different from others. And I don't mean the condescending, arrogant, and insulting "different" that the doctor used to describe Forrest Gump to his mother. I mean the positive different that means you don't conform to what the "cool kids" say you should. Well, Bruce clearly felt different for a long time, even though he did a good job of pretending he wasn't. But is this really the best thing to do?
When you get bullied, if you're not careful, you lose faith in your identity. You start believing that you're not acceptable just the way you are. With all due respect to Bruce Jenner, he accepted this lie a long time ago, except in his case, it was a lie he told himself.
None of us can imagine what baggage he was carrying, even through his glory days as an Olympic champion. But it was baggage that he loaded himself with. He came to the conclusion that no matter he good he was, he would never be good enough as himself, and he sought to become someone else. No matter what gender you are, this is not the road to take.
The best way to defeat bullying is to accept yourself, know yourself, and love yourself. You adopt the Four Pillars as absolute truth: I Exist, I Matter, I Belong, I Deserve. To change your gender is to reject all that in favor of becoming someone you're not.
When you get down the heart of the matter, this is no different than wearing the clothes that the cool kids wear, talking the way the cool kids talk, and doing things that "all" the cool kids do just to be accepted by them. Pretending to be someone else, or taking a radical, life-altering step to actually become someone else, is not a workable solution for anything. All it does is change one set of expected norms, which you didn't want to follow, for another set of expected norms that you will be expected to follow. It's just not possible to find yourself in all of that.
So those of you out there who are truly struggling with any type of idenity confusion, please seek counseling. There may or may not be an adult authority figure who thinks Bruce Jenner's approach is right for you, but I certainly don't. I think the better way is to be exactly who you are and to love yourself for it.
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
DISCLAIMER: The above post is not meant to insult, smear, disparage, or besmirch or reject those in the trans-gender community. It is merely intended to
explain why this practice is not answer to bullying.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Sunday, April 19, 2015
The Rules . . . .
Hey All!
Since most of you are still in a school of some kind, and live with some kind of parent or guardian, there are some rules that you have to stick with. Some of them may seem nonsensical. Ridiculous. Brainless. Designed just to keep people stuck, powerless, and annoyed.
This isn't something you're happy to read, but at this point in your life, you need those rules. You've learned a lot, but you haven't learned everything. You have logical reasoning, but you lack worldly experience. You may have common sense, but it's not as common as it will eventually need to be.
Yep, as frustrating as it truly is, if you truly care about your future, you'd better follow those rules. While your "cool kid" counterparts probably don't, they make that choice at their peril, and not yours. There are many temptations out there that "all the cool kids do" that the rules say you can't. And they never seem to face cosequences for breaking those rules, do they?
Or don't they?
If you keep yourself clean, you prevent anything from sullying your character or reputation when you grow older. You prevent the risks and pitfalls of engaging in this behavior from ruining your future. You allow yourself to learn a few lessons in life the easy way, and not to attend what my mom once called "The School of Hard Knocks."
If you're interested in going to college, it's also a great way to avoid being rejected. By the college of your choice. I remember hearing, during my senior year of high school, that college admissions offices not only look at your grades and accomplishments, they also look at your school disciplinary record. No, it is not your "permanent record," but it does get kept around long enough for colleges to ask for, and receive, them. Let's not give them any red ink to see, shall we?
But does this mean you be a good little soldier the rest of your life? Perish the thought! Rather than rebel against the rules you hate, and fight battles that you'll never win, document what you see. Take notes of why those rules you hate are wrong, stupid, and nonsensical. And then when you graduate, both academically and emotionally, from your junior status, make it better. Show them why they were wrong. Tell them all about your better ideas. And, oh yeah, an even better idea -- make something happen with it!
To be a leader, one must first be a follower. But there will eventually become a point when we not only will, but must, stop being followers. And your time will come, rest assured!
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
Happy Monday tomorrow, OK?
Since most of you are still in a school of some kind, and live with some kind of parent or guardian, there are some rules that you have to stick with. Some of them may seem nonsensical. Ridiculous. Brainless. Designed just to keep people stuck, powerless, and annoyed.
This isn't something you're happy to read, but at this point in your life, you need those rules. You've learned a lot, but you haven't learned everything. You have logical reasoning, but you lack worldly experience. You may have common sense, but it's not as common as it will eventually need to be.
Yep, as frustrating as it truly is, if you truly care about your future, you'd better follow those rules. While your "cool kid" counterparts probably don't, they make that choice at their peril, and not yours. There are many temptations out there that "all the cool kids do" that the rules say you can't. And they never seem to face cosequences for breaking those rules, do they?
Or don't they?
If you keep yourself clean, you prevent anything from sullying your character or reputation when you grow older. You prevent the risks and pitfalls of engaging in this behavior from ruining your future. You allow yourself to learn a few lessons in life the easy way, and not to attend what my mom once called "The School of Hard Knocks."
If you're interested in going to college, it's also a great way to avoid being rejected. By the college of your choice. I remember hearing, during my senior year of high school, that college admissions offices not only look at your grades and accomplishments, they also look at your school disciplinary record. No, it is not your "permanent record," but it does get kept around long enough for colleges to ask for, and receive, them. Let's not give them any red ink to see, shall we?
But does this mean you be a good little soldier the rest of your life? Perish the thought! Rather than rebel against the rules you hate, and fight battles that you'll never win, document what you see. Take notes of why those rules you hate are wrong, stupid, and nonsensical. And then when you graduate, both academically and emotionally, from your junior status, make it better. Show them why they were wrong. Tell them all about your better ideas. And, oh yeah, an even better idea -- make something happen with it!
To be a leader, one must first be a follower. But there will eventually become a point when we not only will, but must, stop being followers. And your time will come, rest assured!
I EXIST. I MATTER. I BELONG. I DESERVE.
Happy Monday tomorrow, OK?
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Stopping Bullying -- A Mission From G-D!
Hey Guys --
You're probably getting ready to go back to school now that spring break is over. Depending on whether you belong to one of two or three possible religions, you saw examples of at least one man from another time standing up to bullying.
MOSES.
The Passover story recounts how Moses, an Egyptian nobleman, learned of his Hebrew lineage, aligned himself with his enslaved countrymen, and led their miraculous escape from slavery. Before he became that leader, he completely severed himself from any favor he once had with the Egyptian rulers, specifically by killing an overzealous taskmaster. Not the easiest thing in the world, and probably not the result he intended, but he rejected his own class to put a stop to the brutal beating of a slave, something he seemingly gave no benefit from doing.
Imagine if more of that happened today? Not murdering, of course, but what if more people broke rank to take a stand against bullying? What if every bullying session was interrupted with "leave him alone, what's your problem?" What if all those people standing around watching changed their usual line from "I'm not getting involved" to "we don't do that here?"
We can't make them do that, of course. Not everyone is bold enough to step up, and way too many of those "innocent bystanders" are "friends" with the bullies. But maybe you can take that stand instead!
Seeing someone getting attacked, harrassed, accosted? Speak up. Step in. Don't be turned aside by threats, because remember, they have no authority. And if they end up trying to threaten you, then you, and the personal initally being victimized, can both go to the proper adult authorities with what happened. Most importantly, you'll have a friend for life!
Moses went from being a spoiled prince, to being a marked man, to being the spiritual leader of a whole nation of former slaves. Not an easy gig, but not a bad gig either! Think where you can go with that kind of courage!
JESUS.
The Easter story tells of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. A carpenter was called upon to fulfill his role as a Chosen Savior predicted by prophecy, and he went about it the best way he knew how. He preached what he knew was true, in doing so, he risked great peril from many sources. A lot of people called him a fraud and an enemy. Many people saw him as a threat and a rebel, and threatened him.
But no matter what he faced, whether it be insults, or even violence, he never gave up. He never toned himself down or kowtowed to anyone who oppressed him. He was brave, fearless, and indefatigable because he spoke what he knew was true, and was simply not concerned with the reaction this truth would bring.
Whether you're a Christian or not, this is another perfect example to emulate. Be brave. Do not let them intimidate you. Stand up for yourself. Especially because most of those "innocent bystanders" I described above will do nothing to help you. Don't blame them for being weak, be strong instead!
And by the way, you'll notice I did not say resort to violence. Jesus didn't do very much of that at all, and that's what eventually got him even more respect. Just believe in yourself enough so that nothing they say or do will make you sad or upset. And then go to the proper adult authorities, and give them a chance to prove that they're really in charge. In future posts, I'll discuss what to do when this fails.
DISCLAIMER: The above blog entry was not intended to malign, besmirch, impugn, or condemn any religious practices, creeds, or beliefs. Any offense experienced by the reader of this message is entirely the responsibility of that reader, and not its author.
You're probably getting ready to go back to school now that spring break is over. Depending on whether you belong to one of two or three possible religions, you saw examples of at least one man from another time standing up to bullying.
MOSES.
The Passover story recounts how Moses, an Egyptian nobleman, learned of his Hebrew lineage, aligned himself with his enslaved countrymen, and led their miraculous escape from slavery. Before he became that leader, he completely severed himself from any favor he once had with the Egyptian rulers, specifically by killing an overzealous taskmaster. Not the easiest thing in the world, and probably not the result he intended, but he rejected his own class to put a stop to the brutal beating of a slave, something he seemingly gave no benefit from doing.
Imagine if more of that happened today? Not murdering, of course, but what if more people broke rank to take a stand against bullying? What if every bullying session was interrupted with "leave him alone, what's your problem?" What if all those people standing around watching changed their usual line from "I'm not getting involved" to "we don't do that here?"
We can't make them do that, of course. Not everyone is bold enough to step up, and way too many of those "innocent bystanders" are "friends" with the bullies. But maybe you can take that stand instead!
Seeing someone getting attacked, harrassed, accosted? Speak up. Step in. Don't be turned aside by threats, because remember, they have no authority. And if they end up trying to threaten you, then you, and the personal initally being victimized, can both go to the proper adult authorities with what happened. Most importantly, you'll have a friend for life!
Moses went from being a spoiled prince, to being a marked man, to being the spiritual leader of a whole nation of former slaves. Not an easy gig, but not a bad gig either! Think where you can go with that kind of courage!
JESUS.
The Easter story tells of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. A carpenter was called upon to fulfill his role as a Chosen Savior predicted by prophecy, and he went about it the best way he knew how. He preached what he knew was true, in doing so, he risked great peril from many sources. A lot of people called him a fraud and an enemy. Many people saw him as a threat and a rebel, and threatened him.
But no matter what he faced, whether it be insults, or even violence, he never gave up. He never toned himself down or kowtowed to anyone who oppressed him. He was brave, fearless, and indefatigable because he spoke what he knew was true, and was simply not concerned with the reaction this truth would bring.
Whether you're a Christian or not, this is another perfect example to emulate. Be brave. Do not let them intimidate you. Stand up for yourself. Especially because most of those "innocent bystanders" I described above will do nothing to help you. Don't blame them for being weak, be strong instead!
And by the way, you'll notice I did not say resort to violence. Jesus didn't do very much of that at all, and that's what eventually got him even more respect. Just believe in yourself enough so that nothing they say or do will make you sad or upset. And then go to the proper adult authorities, and give them a chance to prove that they're really in charge. In future posts, I'll discuss what to do when this fails.
DISCLAIMER: The above blog entry was not intended to malign, besmirch, impugn, or condemn any religious practices, creeds, or beliefs. Any offense experienced by the reader of this message is entirely the responsibility of that reader, and not its author.
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